


Brian's Good-Bye

by AStephens1971



Series: Moving On [1]
Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Cancer, Cancer Arc, Death, Deathfic, Goodbyes, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Mentions of Cancer, POV Justin Taylor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-13
Updated: 2013-08-13
Packaged: 2017-12-23 08:01:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/923871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AStephens1971/pseuds/AStephens1971
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cancer claims Brian this time around, and Justin's friends try to help him deal with it--with a special good-bye message from Brian...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Brian's Good-Bye

This can’t be good.

Mom, Michael, Debbie, and Daphne have come to be with me—and from the looks on their faces, I know—something has happened.

“He’s gone, Justin,” Mom says, as the tears start to fall.

No—no—he can’t be—

I can’t cry—he wouldn’t want me to—I can’t—I can’t—

But it’s too late—racking sobs shake my body.

Arms—comforting, welcoming arms—surround me, as they hold me, as hands stroke my hair. After all we’d gone through, to get this far—why?

“The cancer was too strong this time, Sunshine,” Debbie says, holding me.

We—we were set to be married soon—and the gardenias—the gardenias had just come in from China!

Michael slides over a videotape. “He—he wanted you to watch this,” he says, stroking my hair, much as he had with Brian when I was bashed.

“Would—would you like me to put it in for you?” Mom offers.

All I do is nod my head. Mom slides the tape in and starts the video.

After a little noise, I can see him. “Hi, Sunshine,” he says, with that shy smile I’d grown to love.

“If you’re watching this,” he continues, “I’m gone. Don’t—don’t cry,” he adds, as the tears start again, “it wasn’t your fault—the cancer was too strong this time—and not even your yak tea could help.”

At this, I manage a chuckle, remembering his last bout with cancer and his crack about the tea I’d made smelling like yak ****. And yet—it couldn’t save him this time!

“I hope you’ll find someone deserving of your love,” he continues, “and I hope he’ll always wake up to that beautiful Sunshine smile.”

It—it may take me a while to get back to that point, I realize, as the tears continue to fall.

“It’s—it’s okay,” Brian says, reading my mind, “if it takes a while. But you’ll get there, I know you too well.”

“Just remember,” he concludes, “I loved you—even before Babylon. Why didn’t I tell you before?” he asks, reading my mind again. “I—I honestly don’t know. But I hope you knew it—even if it took as long as it did for me to admit it.”

“I love you,” are his last words—said in exactly the same way he’d confessed them to me after rescuing me from Babylon.  
Then I hear it—the dreaded flatline.

_A few days later…  
_

Mom, Debbie, Michael, and Daphne are with me, as I stand in front of Brian’s grave. In my hands, I hold them—a pot of golden gardenias. As I place them at the grave, I kneel, and take in the scent. I hope it wafts its way up to heaven—and that he smells them, too!

As I get up, something comes over me, and I start laughing—laughing as I’d never laughed before. Maybe I’ll never be Justin Kinney—but it’s okay. My time with Brian taught me never to take anything for granted—and after this, I never will!

 


End file.
